Employee tired of HR women touching and complimenting him
6 mins read

Employee tired of HR women touching and complimenting him

Thankfully, we’ve come to an era where most people know the definition of harassment and that commenting on other people’s bodies is absolutely not allowed — which, of course, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen all the time.

But it’s hard to deny that the same change has happened with male bodies. Men, of course, aren’t subjected to anywhere near the level of objectification that women are. But when it does happen, it’s often laughed at and taken as a compliment.

One man who works online is struggling with this situation in the workplace, and as he shared in a Reddit post, it’s evidence of a problematic double standard.

A man feels harassed at work because his coworker constantly pays attention to his body.

Before we go any further, lest this become honeypot for a certain type of man, this is not some story by a “men’s rights activist” who tries to demean and deny the constant harassment and bigotry women face by portraying men as victims of women’s privilege. None of that is true.

Employee tired of HR women touching and complimenting him Studio DC | Shutterstock

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The truth is, however, that the situation this man finds himself in at work is completely inappropriate.

As a lead engineer at a small tech company, the 29-year-old works in an open office space where there is constant interaction with co-workers.

“I’m usually a friendly person and get along with everyone, and I’m happy with that,” he wrote. But while the socialization and collaboration were pluses for him, the open, casual camaraderie at his company began to show in very uncomfortable ways.

The man testified that his female colleagues at work constantly touch him, hug him and comment on his figure.

“My desk is near the door, and people often walk past me when leaving or entering the office, and I have plenty of opportunities to say ‘hi’ to everyone,” the man explained. And often, those interactions turn awkward.

“Sometimes when these HR women (who are usually much older than me) walk by me, they just randomly touch my arms or run their fingers down my neck,” he said. They also constantly comment on his “strong arms” and often hug and physically greet each other.

Man sexually harassed at work Vitaly Abbasov | Shutterstock

“One day I was walking out and saying goodbye and shaking hands with one of them,” he wrote, “and she opened her arms to hug me and I just stood there for a moment thinking, ‘WTF.’”

When he awkwardly agreed to the hug, he noticed that “one of the older managers (some guy in his 60s) was standing behind her, laughing with his hand over his mouth.” The interaction left him feeling humiliated, and even more so when the same thing happened again later with another female supervisor.

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He feels that he has fallen victim to double standards and that he cannot complain without suffering the consequences.

The man added that he knows none of these women mean any harm, and that they are all “really nice” and fun to work with. Still, he can’t shake the feeling that “switching gender in a scenario makes a man disgusting.” It makes him ask, “How is that acceptable?!”

Worse, he feels trapped by the politics of his office. “I could tell them to stop, but it’s a small firm—people know each other,” he wrote. “I really don’t know how to make it not sound personal.”

But people on Reddit felt there was no ambiguity here. “It’s hard to judge hugs without more context,” one person wrote, “but touching someone’s shoulders and neck and complimenting their body type absolutely constitutes sexual harassment.”

They added that the fact that the harassment came from women in HR — who should surely know better — was “particularly disturbing,” and underscored how differently we perceive these situations depending on the gender of the person receiving the attention.

What she experiences meets the definition of harassment. It affects far more men than most of us realize.

Many took it for granted that these women were basically “cougars hunting prey,” as one person put it, and the woman with the “handsome firefighter” calendar in her cubicle who goes crazy over the hot guy in the office is a long-standing trope. But should it be? Or should it be treated with the same contempt we now have for the man with the women’s calendar in the office?

This is certainly up for debate — and there’s a lot of nuance to the topic, given how much more power men have in the world than women. What is absolutely clear, though, is that this man’s experience seems to clearly and easily fit the definition of harassment.

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission defines sexual harassment as, among other things, “unwanted sexual advances … and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.” It becomes illegal “when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment” or results in decisions that affect the victim’s employment.

To be clear, this happens to women much more often than men — 81% of women report experiencing harassment or assault. But perhaps surprisingly, the same is true for 43% of men, and of those, 18% have experienced unwanted contact like this man’s.

People urged him to treat the situation like any other sexual harassment situation: document each incident, report it to HR, summarize each conversation in writing and, if necessary, contact an employment lawyer.

No one should have to reject unwanted attention, even if he’s the handsome guy in the office who our culture would say should feel honored.

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John Sundholm is a news and entertainment journalist who covers popular culture, social justice and human interest topics.